My Unplanned Pregnancy

I'm currently carrying a baby that I did not plan. In fact, my husband and I were taking precautions to prevent pregnancy because we both felt that adding another baby would be more difficult than not. I'm too old (age 36). I'm too tired. I'm too overwhelmed by 4 boys often enough to not feel up to it. Pregnancy is so long and tiring. Childbirth is so difficult. We don't have enough money. Our house is too small.  Etc... However, despite all the reasons not to get pregnant, it happened. Through our own choices and actions, of course -- though we didn't choose pregnancy itself. 

Initially it was shocking and worrisome, and has been sooo hard on my body, and yet, I look at my other children and feel reassured that I will love this child as much as I love them. That the same joy the others bring me, she will, too. That the same ways that I have been learning and changing as a result my motherhood, will continue. As we've gotten by and made it work until now, we will continue to get by and make things work. Even on our humble income, even with my weariness and sometimes selfish preferences, even with all the demands that come with parenthood.

In the end: a baby is not a crisis. He or she is family.

We rise up to challenges that are inherent in family life. We give and give and give. That's what we do. The more willing we are, the more satisfying it is. Our children grow up, they mature, they succeed and fail, they fall down and get back up. They depend on us less and less, and we feel so proud of who they are and what they are doing. It's a privilege and an honor to experience this, and to contribute to society in such a singular and important way. I'm grateful for my child. Not resentful. Not afraid. Humans are resilient, resourceful, and capable. I am capable. I can do it. Not very well all the time, but overall, yes, I can do it. In two months, she'll be in my arms and I'll wonder why I ever doubted and feared, and will just be completely grateful.

I choose family. I choose life and hope.